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What men want their wives, or "Be for him ..."

October 29 2005

As you know, more than half of marriages fail within the first few years of marriage. Why is this happening? Who do not ask, the answer to this burning question everyone knows. It's a pity that almost always, the answers are different. Husbands blame wives, wives - husbands, psychotherapists - and of those, and others.

And maybe, in fact, nobody is to blame? Maybe the problems stem from the fact that very often we are not getting married for a real person, but because of what it currently is - go beyond the image of a certain ideal, which in reality is only a pale reflection of what we dreamed of .

The first few months after the wedding, everything is great, but when it's easy intoxication happiness is, ever more clearly the reality makes itself felt: it turns out that you were married is not for someone who just recently every day brought you flowers ... That's when problems arise.

Make no mistake: your husband will almost certainly feel the same thing as you. After its introduction about you is not quite coincide with reality ... you want to know what he represented you? But what if you try to learn it and try to translate this ideal into practice? Maybe worth a try? Especially if this ideal will be very close to you ...

In this experiment, there is nothing wrong with that. As you know, our life - is a game. A rare woman has no actor's instincts, it's in our blood. So why bury a natural talent in the ground? Maybe try to use it for peaceful purposes?

So, what is their husbands want their wives? Statistical surveys are ambiguous. Men with persistent contradictions demonstrate the variety of responses, once again proving that the same people in the world did not happen and have all their "preferences." And while we agree with that, nonetheless make some order in the resulting confusion is still possible.

Quite possible to allocate some types of women whose images like no other heart and mind boggling man. Choose the type of which, as you seem to want to see in you is your husband, and more! You expect amazing discoveries.

You love your husband. Is it possible that you have become for him exactly the way he wants to see you? Of course. Simply become for him ...

Keeper of a gas stove. If we believe the statistics, it is this want to see my wife, if not most men, at least, much of it. Men's thinking is more conservative than the female, so such ideas about the wives have not changed in the minds of men, a significant change for many decades and even centuries.

How to do it. In view of your husband, it could mean that: coming home, he always had a delicious lunch or dinner, and caring wife feeds him and is engaged in the household and children, without detracting from the following important things - reading newspapers and watching on TV football match . In short, the classic «Kirche, Kinder, Kuchen» - church, children and the kitchen ...

Well, children as children. In the end, do not forget that the cultivation of offspring - evolutionary "fixed" a woman's function. Give your husband the opportunity to experience this important family time.

What happens. If this lovely picture painted before the mind's eye, a spouse, and close to your heart - wonderful. Hence, the ideal wife of your men is identical with your own ideal. But, working on it, yet not go overboard. Otherwise, the husband may begin to approach this very gas stove, only to heating ... excuse me, to warm his hands. For all other pleasures of life as it would apply at other locations ...

p align = "justify"> Be a fantasy as much as possible. The main thing - never rest on our laurels. Let your home Blessed are always waiting for something special ... Do you cook today or stuffed dumplings? It is desirable that this special was something more intriguing.

Is it worth it? "Are you sure that cute daily household chores - this is for you? All women are different, and the label that hangs on our society in the face of men who can not meet your idea of yourself. And if so, is a "sham" would not benefit either your health or your relationship with your husband.

Mistress. Boredom and monotony, as we know, the worst enemy of the marital relationship. According to statistics, it is due to boredom, most men go to the left. Why not make your husband go to the left ... to you?

How to do it.
Imagine that now with the work will come to you not your husband, and lover. What then? You will prepare an exquisite dinner, not forgetting about aphrodisiac, wear the most exquisite lace underwear, and the apartment will create an enchanting atmosphere of mystery that accentuates your appeal. When it comes to your face appear genuine smile of joy and playful twinkle in his eye will erupt any moment when you look at it. You will not be asking him about why he again did not bring you anything - let it do stupid wife. Your conversations will be just about you two ...
Of course, the husband surprised, because he somehow thinks you are his wife. But you have firmly decided to do what to think about ... So then you let him what he wants: you never know, maybe it's like and you? ..

What happens. You should never give up, to experiment, even the most unusual way. Results may not be the most unexpected, for both you and him. But the fact that after several years of marriage, you will see each other in new ways, make no mistake.

Is it worth it? Worth. Try at least once, and then perhaps you most enjoy. Boring certainly will not.

Big Momma. In each, the most remarkable men have their drawbacks. One - a pathological womanizer, does not imagine his life without constantly changing. Another in their personal rankings puts you on the honorable second place after football (at best) ... The third in his thirty or forty years and never learned to truly be independent. And, besides, are not psychologically ready for equal marital relationships. Even if the material he had learned to support themselves, in terms of psychological maturity they will have problems.

If these words apply fully to your husband, you should probably his upbringing was basically making his mom, while dad or non-existent on the horizon, or has engaged in a little son and therefore could not give him the stereotype of relationships with women, that boys learn primarily from their fathers. In general, for some reason this did not happen, and my mother as a woman simply could not teach his son a purely masculine qualities, such, such as independence. Therefore, such a man may reasonably exist only in "conjunction" with someone, and in his later life he will seek a wife, who assumed the role of his mother. And typically, he finds her. This is a woman with a strong maternal instinct, when most of his psychological energy she spends on her husband.

As all this happens, nobody knows exactly, but if you feel that your spouse is drawn to this kind of relationship, you may want to try something ...

How to do it.Dear, you forgot the folder with the documents? And the fact that I cooked for dinner, he took? I told you that you called yesterday Sergei from the marketing department and invited to his dacha? Are you sure that I do not want to go too? No? Well, as you say ... I think you someone else called. When you think, call you at work ...

What happens. To hope that selected the correct style of behavior. Because if you make a mistake, or time your husband is "outgrown" his mom and she no longer needed ...

Is it worth it? Long you can play this role? A woman who, for whatever reason, can not express their maternal instinct in children, pummeling him at her husband. Are you on it? And it's worth it to do so?

Delighted. There are men, lack of confidence in themselves and their own suffering from low self-esteem. They are constantly, consciously or not, and compare themselves with other men, and very often these comparisons are not in their favor. And so the men of this type are looking for a woman to a man - a god, and that will never questioning its merits and will only emphasize them, and all the shortcomings of a spouse will be seen not only as the continuation of its merits. On the disadvantages of such a woman and stutter something will not happen. What kind whatsoever ...

How to do it. And how is it you have not noticed any really treasure - your husband? He's such a hardworking and diligent, endows you with flowers on March 8 every year! And how he loves my daughter: when they play together, its provocative laughter does not stop for a minute. And if someone is talking about and it is something bad, then it is clear of envy: it is not in this life can not marry such a nugget ...

Do not invent anything: just sing about what you see. And if you have patience and gradually this a habit. Show us all your views, as you are proud of her husband and what you have it great. But in no case do not overdo it with praise: very often men of this type of thin feel the slightest flattery, and if your faithful to convict you of fraud - trouble is inevitable.

What happens. Do not you married a complete jerk? Hardly. As soon as you will praise him, you are surprised to find that much of what you started to sing his praises, quite close to the truth. And if in communication with the child or to express your love to your spouse is still far from perfect - praise him for it ten times stronger: the results, be sure not to wait long.

Is it worth it? "There are people who praise activate: they work on themselves, trying to get rid of the disadvantages. That is, you praise them, and they are improving before our eyes. Others, on the contrary, they can be made to work, only to drive them into stress. In other words, they are best of negative incentives, such ultimatums such as "If you do not learn ... I ..." And if your husband from the endless praise and compliments will "rest on our laurels" and will eventually become worse, then you should know: he is just the second group. Therefore, spare your nerves and stop it spoiling. Enough is enough.

His property. Some potential husbands choose their wives in such women with whom they can feel their power over them. As a rule, in relation to other people they are the same strong-willed, imperious, and therefore tend to attain greater success in life - a good financial position and high social status.

How to do it. Maximal success in this role is achieved at minimum cost.Of course, if the psychology of blind obedience is close to you like no other ...

No problem. No imagination. No own thoughts. For you will think, decide and act your husband.

What happens. If only your husband does not need "Big Mama", it certainly quickly come to relish. And it will feel the real master, the lord of the family. Another question, as you become to feel?

Is it worth it? "It will take some time, and maybe it will even bring you a kind of pleasure. But practice shows that the fee for this dubious pleasure when you are not responsible for anything, have to pay very large. Do you remember this word - "self"? Remember? Strange. With this style of behavior you will have already forgotten it. However, exactly like the phrase "friends and friends", "confidence" and "freedom to do what you want". But then do not be surprised, when after a while you still have to learn them again. Should I now take a step back to then with great difficulty to come back?

Unpredictable. It's no secret that in fact anyone like the people who look like him. And some men prefer such women, some of the features which are similar to themselves. For example, if one of these traits - the unpredictability, in the best sense of the word. The monotony of tiresome scary, and at the same time evokes boredom. And what it brings, we already know. So why not try to be spontaneous?

How to do it. He expects that today you want to go to a restaurant? And you propose to go to an amusement park - ride a roller coaster. Ask you to buy cotton candy and visit with all the attractions. How long have you been doing this last time? And along with her husband?
And the next day you're just hard-working housewife, who this time asks her husband to bring home a couple of bundles of asparagus or a little avocado ...

On the third day you're ... well, come up with something new will have to yourself. Develop their imagination - it is you really need now, because the main motto of this "role" - each subsequent day to be not the same as yesterday. "

What happens. He will never know what you throw in the next moment. Intrigue, thus you need to tighten that. Another thing is that someone like this plot, and some do not.

Is it worth it? In fact, a very risky method. Few of the men he was fully necessary to taste. Especially if it continues constantly, day after day. The only thing we can safely guarantee your dear wife, this is what bored him in any case will not ... And this is a lot!

Itself. Perhaps this role play the hardest. Probably because the best of all possible scenarios for her to write yourself. But the thing: until you have at the time this work was not ... I guess because we are not accustomed to show themselves around, and even ourselves - neither good nor bad, just the way we eat.

How to do it. And how to do it, you can understand and implement only you and nobody else.
Feel what you really want and do not hesitate to admit it. You used to be his mistress for her husband, and now let it be a lover for you.

Listen for yourself. Perhaps you something is missing? Not ashamed to ask, just pick what you want, and you'll be rewarded. You can get to it by anyone, but you must be an individual. In any case.You are special, even if it knows now, and your husband. Did he did not deserve this? And you?

What happens. It all depends on you. But practice shows that you would not have done the most to you it will only get better. First, your husband can not take you to a new "shape", but then both of you will only get better. Because even the most wonderful lover ever get tired, and his wife, who does not look like anyone else - ever. And so the question "Is it worth it?" Will disappear by itself. How bad mask, which is no longer needed.

Comments on the article psychotherapist Clinic MeraMed R. A. Loshakov:
The author correctly noticed by the fact that for harmony in the family is very important that the expectations of the spouses towards each other were justified, it is a basic prerequisite for the stability of marriage. In family life are also important: if one spouse resides only in any one "role" after some time it may start to destroy family relationships and lead to misunderstandings and conflicts between spouses. In some cases, to resolve these conflicts on their own can not. And then it makes sense to see a specialist - a doctor, a therapist who will help family members deal with their personal problems, get out of difficult situations and build relationships with loved ones.

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