You are here: 
Home / Humor
 /
rss News rss Articles rss General
Humor

Jokes ... (November 30, 2009 Issue 1)

November 30 2009
05:15

- What does brain cells die in cops and military?
- From the solitude.
-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------
- What is the difference between a blonde and a computer?
- Hardly anyone would agree to borrow another computer.
-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------
Operate on a patient. Only opened the abdominal cavity, as in the operating physician runs and cries:
- Stop! The patient has only now been revealed serious contraindications to surgery!
- What?
- The Bank does not accept his check because his account is empty!
-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------
Four men, a drunken sausage, loaded piles in the back of a taxi. Their friend, more or less sober, "says the taxi driver:
- Chef, since they already can not speak, remember, someone to take:
first from the top - in Strogino the second - in Tushino, third - in the Khovrino, the fourth - in Medvedkovo.
- All clear - says the taxi driver and leaves. But after a while he returns to the bar, finds that a friend and asks him:
- Could you explain to me again someone to drive it, but I'm at a traffic light has sharply braked and they have me all messed up.
-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------
After a shipwreck, a few people survived and were on a desert island. Because there was absolutely nothing there, they decided to cast lots which of them should sacrifice themselves to be eaten. When after some time eaten all the first accident, decided to cast lots again. Then again. In the end, on the island there were only two people, and they also had to toss up who is who should
eat. Once one of them saw that he lost, he cried out:
- Wait, do not kill me: we have here is a huge box of fish
canned food, which also washed ashore. Come on, show.
And, indeed, lies in a cave near a box of canned fish.
Winning surprised and outraged:
- So what did you not say this before, even before we ate so many people?
- Yes, you know, I do not really like fish.
-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------
The husband comes home and found his wife in tears, asks:
- What happened, darling?
- Honey, I made you a delicious dish, but the dog jumped on the table and ate everything!
- Do not worry, I'll buy you another dog.
-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------
A guy comes home drunk at 3 am, walks into the room and that his wife did not scold, takes hours to 3 hours ago. Here's wife wakes up and starts yelling:
- Look what time!
- Only 12 hours to see herself.
Wife, not noticing the trick, he immediately mitigated:
- Ah, well then fine. Maybe you anything you want?
- Yes, you can bring me a glass of some water?
- Now, my dear.
Wife goes to the kitchen and there sees that the clock is already 3. She returned to the room, and her husband, seeing her annoyed look, starts a counterattack:
- Well, where do you zapropastilas? It is necessary, as many as 3 went to fetch a glass of water!
-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------
Anyone who says there is no smoke without fire, probably never tried to cook dinner in a tourist campaign.
-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------
- According to my latest research, - said, referring to the familiar, old linguist - the most frequently used particles are "and" well "," g "and" what "...
- Well, what? - Shrugged friend.
-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------br /> Due to numerous requests from the public, Alexander Rosenbaum excluded from his repertoire of song: "Show me to Moscow, I ask, can it get some air."
-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------
- Dad, here's how to write in the book about the atrocities Gerasimos: - While he served the lady, then sank 25 MUM, Mumey or maxima?
- Yes, just write to: - mummified entire river!

Rating jokes on Fark.Ru

More anecdotes on Yoki.Ru

Print version

Photo Gallery
At this moment...
Photo

Week top publications
Popular reading
©2006-2018 All rights reserved
liveinternet.ru: display number of browses и visitors for 24 hour