You are here: 
Home / Humor
 /
rss News rss Articles rss General
Humor

Jokes ... (November 29, 2009 Issue 3)

November 29 2009
16:03

In the church, the priest conducts the service:
- God will come and save us all.
Then get stuck some wino:
- Uh-uh, no shit it will not come!
The priest again:
- God will come and save us all.
Drunk:
- I told you, he will not come!
The priest repeats a third time:
- God will come and save us all.
Drunk:
- And I bet on the bubble smirnovki that does not come?
Priest:
- Call a policeman, so he took away a drunk.
Drunk:
- OK, I'll go, because here it is - just come!
-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------
A man creep up home well after midnight. Let's wife screaming:
- Oh, you bastard! You promised me that your foot will never again set foot in that damn bar!
- And I kept my promise: there I crawled on all fours, and carried me back.
-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------
Remember, there was a singer, Humperdinck? On the one hand he was constantly rude, but on the other ...
-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------
Are two Russian abroad by pornokinoteatra. One says:
- Let's come around!
- Oh! Money to spend! Well anyway do not understand!
-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------
The soldier escaped from the battlefield. Hiding in the bushes and stumbles upon someone, too, in military uniform:
- Excuse me, Lieutenant ...
- I do not Lieutenant.
- Sorry, Captain ...
- I'm not the captain.
- Sorry, Comrade Major ...
- I am Colonel!
- Am I so far has escaped!
-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------
What is discovery?
For scientists - it's finding a new phenomenon, the laws ...
And for everyone else - the start of the Wine and Spirits Division.
-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------
The doctor enters the room and hears how one patient with high fever tells his wife that sits by his bed:
- You're my pretty, you're my good girl, you're my treasure, my beloved, most beautiful in the world!
The doctor, turning to the woman:
- How long has he started raving?
-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------
Husband and wife bring his son to a psychiatrist and complained that their son's severe behavior problems. The doctor says:
- Do not worry, we'll fix it, let goes.
Child goes to a psychiatrist, then for a few minutes from the office heard a roar, then a psychiatrist by a bullet flies out into the hallway with a broken face. Parents ask:
- What is it, doctor?
- I know a way out of this situation: you need to move.
- Move? But where?
- Where else but a secret from her son.
-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------
Drunk walks into a public toilet and sees - on the floor in the mud wallows ruble. He says:
- Hmm, I'll be still some ruble sortirnogo floor lift!
Then pulled out his steward, throws it on the floor and says:
- And here is 101 rubles, you can and raise!
-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------
One man drove every day to the market oranges on a horse and the horse not particularly care for. And once the horse has complained of his life to one of the buyers, unbeknown to the owner, of course:
- My boss treated me badly. He does not feed me, do not water them, makes the morning to haul the cart heaviest on the market, then hold the whole day on a leash. I will die from this life.
- Wow, a talking horse in my life seen anything like it! So once you know how to say, why do not you complain to the owner?
- Are you crazy?If he finds out that I can say it will make me still screaming from morning till night: "Oranges, oranges, buy cheap oranges! "

Rating jokes on Fark.Ru

More anecdotes on Yoki.Ru

Print version

Photo Gallery
At this moment...
Photo

Week top publications
Popular reading
©2006-2018 All rights reserved
liveinternet.ru: display number of browses и visitors for 24 hour