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Jokes ... (November 29, 2009 Issue 2)

November 29 2009
11:02

If you think that life goes on, maybe you simply went to the roof.
If it seems that life stops, roof went in the same direction.
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- Me Please 38, No 39 cherries.
- You sausage department?
- Yes, why?
- There salesman crazy.
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You're driving too long in Moscow if:
1. You do not remember the last time I stop before the stop line when pulled up to the intersection first.
2. Your personal record in the courtyard - 70 km / h, while in Moscow - 150.
3. If the light is green, and the busy intersection - must go to him.
What is the difference that the cross is not will pass. You rode on his signal lights.
4. Turn signal must include a minimum of polmashiny already on another lane. After all, if you turn in advance - do not miss.
5. If before you have incorporated turn signals, and the car is still not in your range, you automatically push on the gas, but does not eliminate the foot off the pedal.
6. You do not know a single sign / rules, which could not be upset if necessary, or late at night.
7. You do not remember more than a dozen characters.
8. If you are approaching the intersection, and it marks - 3 rows of straight, left just to the left - right just to the right - you stand up boldly to the extreme. There are fewer machines. And anyway - 9 of 10 before you go straight, and one otozhmut aside.
9. If you start with a traffic light, and for the next 300 meters, and he switched to red, it should be driven hard, braking and then the floor. Thus, you occupy a position slightly closer to the cherished goal, somewhere in the 0.1-0.15 sec.
10. Standing in a traffic jam, you pressed the bumper to the front of the car so that between you will not pass a pedestrian. But you have traveled a greater distance (do not care if the front will include emergency gang, you'll take half an hour swearing ago).
11. In a traffic jam, if a person passes in front of you is not 2 meters, released in front of him - you turn the long-range, and fall forward on a dial tone. Surely there place!
12. Generally in a traffic jam you include transmission, clutch and hold on the verge of the pick-up so as not to miss the moment the car rolled up to peredyduschey (p.10).
13. After reading this, you did not say "well, you must, there are also goats, which go well."
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- Hi, how are you?
- Yes here, got married and we have no place to even live.
- What problems? Move into the house to the tests and everything!
- Do not get: he himself with his wife's mother lives.
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- Wan, you would have bought me a flower.
- Why, you're, like, still alive?
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From TV commercials:
You know, yesterday I went with my girlfriend in "Gentle Queen" and saw the same jacket as the recently purchased in the boutique, but only half the cost, and very upset.
And today we went with a friend on vetnamsky market, and then I almost hung up.
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A man comes to the doctor and complains of pain in his knee. The doctor asks:
- Do you, by chance, the trumpet does not play?
- Yes, I play.
- Well, my dear, you need to stop it, if you want to have you all gone.
- But a doctor there and then there is no connection!
- Communication is, I am a doctor, and I know better.
After the patient left, the nurse asked the doctor:
- Doctor, what can there be a connection?
- Yes, actually there is no link, simply type this - my neighbor.

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