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Jokes ... (November 27, 2009 Issue 3)

November 27 2009

The blonde stops at the hotel of some provincial town.
The next day, she expresses her displeasure receptionist:
- What a disgrace! Room you miserable, smelly clothes and to top it all even TOILET PAPER NO!
- Apologize, this should not happen. But ... only on you yesterday, there were no complaints. Do you in fact have a language, right?
- You know, I do not do yoga, and with good intentions, could not dodge so!
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"Left" - this is where the left hand, looking away
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Talk to two friends:
- How I envy you: your young man so affable, so close to you is, always listens to you, makes you gifts. Why do not you marry him?
- Because I want so it went on and on.
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- What is the difference between an artist, a watch, thug and a coward?
- Artist of the acts, the guard intrudes, Bandit transgressed, and cowardly retreat.
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- What do you call a woman who beats her husband?
- Bitch.
- And what is called a man who beats his wife?
- A teacher.
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Talk to two friends:
- Why are you still not getting married?
- Why? I prefer to give happiness to many men than one single disaster.
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Accountant comes to the doctor complaining of insomnia. Doctor:
- And you try to take the sheep.
- Yes, I already tried several times, but I'm always at the same time make a mistake, and I then have 3:00 to find it!
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It was a very long time. Two cowboys rode on the edge of an abandoned godforsaken desert somewhere in Nevada. Suddenly, they saw an Indian, who sat on a folding chair in front of a cardboard box and the box had three thimble.
- Hey, guys - called an Indian. - Want to win a dollar? Guess under which thimble the ball.
Cowboys dismounted and walked. One just guessing where the ball and won a dollar. Then he divined the other. So they played until sunset, until both have not lost all the money they had.
And when they sat on their horses to go on, one turned to the Indians, who carefully hid the money, and asked:
- And as though this goddamned piece of desert called?
- Las Vegas.
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- Why did the terrorists - members of al-Qaeda - still have not left
- Because of the play did not leave during intermission.
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13 signs that you have a car:
1. You are constantly brake.
2. The wife complains that you continually exceed the speed of eating borscht.
3. Pets are forced every day to remind you what to take out the trash,
but mat-rug you always shakes out on their own.
4. When your son comes home from school, you not only check out his blog, but also to figure out how to take samples on CD.
5. When you're on foot walking down the street constantly, "pruning" of pedestrians.
6. In your pockets always have a set of keys, spare wheel and 50 rubles to pay the fine.
7. Explanation of the relationship with the boss you call an accident.
8. In the corner of psychic discharge you hanging boxing pear in the form of traffic police inspector.
9.From time to time you crawl under the bed, trying to repair it.
10. You can make a remark to his wife for the lack of a bed kit and fire extinguisher.
11. On the toilet door you hang a sign "brick".
12. Above the bed hangs a sign you have a "restriction of 5 tons.
13. In moments of intimacy you are looking for his wife's ignition.

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