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Jokes ... (June 26, 2009 Issue 3)

June 26 2009

A man brings to the doctor 6-month-old baby and says:
- Doctor, my child is 6 months, and he still has not opened his eyes.
- To my mind, open your eyes to you, since you do not see that this
child - the Chinese.
-------------------------------------------------- ----
At the end of the first act of the play's author runs to the actor who plays
very badly:
- I change the subject. You will die at the beginning of the second act, rather than late in the third.
Better you die at my idea, than by the viewers!
-------------------------------------------------- ----
- He has also written on his face that he was illiterate.
- But why - semi-literate?
- Misspelled!
-------------------------------------------------- ----
Blonde calls her friend and an excited voice says:
- Come to me soon! I made a scientific discovery!
- What is opening its?
- Well, come, show, not a phone conversation!
A friend quickly assembled, comes home to the blonde.
That disables all the rooms light and says:
- A know where all the light go?
- Well??
- Come on show!
Come to the kitchen, blonde opens the refrigerator door and says:
- A's where!
-------------------------------------------------- ----
Whale swims around the female and reproachfully said:
- How many countries, hundreds of environmental organizations, prominent
political leaders and millions of people - all of them are struggling
that our species has survived, and you talk to me - my head hurts ...
-------------------------------------------------- ----
- I have a computer you bought. So he died.
- Guarantee of what?
- Lifetime.
- Once was dead - the guarantee is over.
-------------------------------------------------- ----
Comes the first student. The professor asks:
- What is faster - a sound or light?
The student answers:
- Light.
- Excellent, but why?
- When I turn on the radio, at first light appears, and then the sound!
- Get out!
As the audience enters the second student. The professor asks the same question.
- Sound.
- Explain!
- When I turn on the TV, first appears sound, and only then
- Look!
The professor thought: "Or students very much stupid, or I ask a very
complex issues? "Appears third student.
The professor asks:
- You are standing on the mountain. On the opposite hill stands a cannon. From it
shoot. What did you commit the first - the flame of the trunk or rumble
- Of course, the flame from the barrel!
Professor of relief asks:
- And how this can be explained?
The student thought for a moment and answers:
- Eyes as far ahead of his ears!
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In the police duty room is a huge pumpkin, which protrude from his hands and
feet. Includes major.
- This is what you have here for heluin in nature?
- Yes, Comrade Major, thief arrested today at midnight like
Cinderella carriage drive away!
-------------------------------------------------- ----
- Honey, would you buy me a carpet?
- Too much luxury! On a broomstick to fly ...

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