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Jokes ... (Apr. 24, 2009 Issue 2)

April 24 2009

Terrible accident on the road. The driver and passenger were killed. On reaching a road
Patrol finds at the scene just a monkey, which sadly wanders
around a broken machine.
- Sorry, you do not know how to speak - lamenting the corporal, looking at zhivotinku.
The monkey shakes his head sadly.
- What, you know? - Is striking a policeman.
The monkey nods.
- You can help reconstruct the accident?
- So what happened?
Monkey depicts the process of drinking from a bottle.
- They drink?
The monkey nods.
- What else?
Monkey shows a process of smoking.
- Smoked marijuana?
The monkey nods.
- Maybe something else?
Monkey pulls his lips and smacking the air.
- Kissing!
The monkey nods. The police shocked.
- Well, are you something, what are you doing?
"Vela machine, shows a monkey.
-------------------------------------------------- ----
There are two friends - cabinetmaker and electrician. Cabinetmaker complains electrician:
- At Tiffany's one month birthday. Can not think of anything to give her.
- A Th is there to think, you're the master - the golden hands, make her a chair from a tree!
Cabinetmaker happy idea, and went to work.
Three weeks later:
- Well, are finished to make a gift?
- Yes, a chair, long ago prepared, and now only an electrician I am suffering!
-------------------------------------------------- ----
In Norway, for road signs circular motion reads:
-------------------------------------------------- ----
Norway has cut electricity. Hundreds of Norwegians were stuck for several hours
on escalators.
-------------------------------------------------- ----
Late spring, clearing in the woods. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the sky is blue, the clouds
curly. Midst of this spot is the neck on a pile of shit - a cow or something,
three days ago has died - and methodically this case it bites. Runs past the young wild
- Uncle Grif, Uncle Grif, what are you eating?
Grief looked up, dig deeper into its beak and claw back to his occupation.
The kid does not calm down:
- Uncle Grif, Grif uncle, you did some shit eating! Look at me:
I am young, fresh, yum-yum! You would have me killed a though to eat
Vulture (husky low voice):
- Young man, I certainly understand your ambitions, but this is classic!
-------------------------------------------------- ----
The guy in the toilet stall suddenly discovers that there is no toilet paper.
Tapping into the next stall:
- Hey, is there anybody there?
- Well, there is.
- A bit of toilet paper is not podsunete?
- No, there ended a roll too.
- Well, maybe you have a newspaper?
- No.
- Well, at least some kind of a piece of paper?
- Nope, I say.
- Uh-s! Well, at least tens of change for a hundred.
-------------------------------------------------- ----
They say this is what we are doing everything in ... No, we just live in it.
Thank you for at least a big one. Not crowded.

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