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Jokes ... (November 23, 2009 Issue 1)

November 23 2009

You can drink beer in German: with sausage
possible in English: with chips
may be in Japanese: from the land
I love in Russian: vodka
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Ad in the window of a furniture store:
"If you do not have enough money to purchase antique furniture, you can buy modern furniture on credit. As long as you pay for it all, she has time to become an antique."
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Why do not blondes water skiing? Because it can not find a lake slope.
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The farmer in Kansas, a hurricane tore the tin roof houses. On the advice of a friend he took warped roof in Detroit in a car workshop. Two days later he received a written response: "We could not determine what happened to your machine, but after three days she will be ready."
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Decided as a collective farm chairman politgramotnost check their farmers. He called to his animal husbandry Bugaylova and asks:
- How can we support our local producers?
- A Th support him, if he is not worth it? Von Dutch bull per day for twenty heifers tiles without any support. And our - tokmo stare at them can.
- Weak you Bugaylov, under the current policy. Producer - this is not a brute, a businessman. Go, learn some. Ask again tomorrow.
The next day, the chairman again says:
- Well, Bugaylov what line we will keep on domestic producers?
- Just do not know what to say. I tried every line: and fondled him, and tucked, and stick lupil - well, do not want our businessmen socially useful business deal. Not that the Dutch ...
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There are two musicians. One son graduated from school, can not find a job. Asks a friend to help. Okay, says a friend, I'll try it to us in the orchestra. In the evening, the father asks the son:
- Well, how so?
- Uh-uh ..
- And what, so there should be only at the end of the drums to strike?
- Missed ...
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Sit on the porch of the church two monks, smoking marijuana, talking:
- Yes, something we have grass-is ... No catches! ...
- What do you want ... What pop, and a parish!
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A man comes to the pharmacy:
- Give a condom.
- We do not sell one. We have only in bundles.
- Eh ... (sigh). And how many in a pack?
- Ten.
- Oh, and e. .. Well done, let's.
Takes a packet, then it opens up, one puts a condom on the counter and leaves.
Chemist him:
- Oh, what a condom-loot.
- Why are you such an insensitive act, as another health worker. Are you just do not see - I'm trying to quit!
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Gathered together a businessman, lawyer and a biker.
Began to discuss who will bring something to his girlfriend's birthday.
Businessman says:
- I'll buy her a diamond necklace and a villa in the Bahamas. If she does not like the necklace, it really villa it certainly comfort.
- And I'll buy a sable coat and sea tour around the world. If it finds a bad gift to coat, then voyage it will dispel.
- I, - said the biker - buy their t-shirt and a vibrator. If she does not like T-shirt - let fuck herself!

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