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Jokes ... (October 23, 2009 Issue 2)

October 23 2009

The last words of a pig in a meat factory: "I SAUSAGE!"
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Russian: "You have many spoons of sugar?"
Jew: "You have many spoons of sugar, one or two?"
Old Jew: "Do you want to spoon sugar?"
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A man appears before the gates of paradise. There, the apostle Peter asked him:
- Name?
- Ivan Sidorov.
God looks into the computer and says:
- You do not have a list so that you place in hell.
Sent a man to hell. There's hell, checking on his computer, also announced that it is not in the list and sends it to purgatory. But even there his name is not on the list, and he explained that the way he only has one - is to be reincarnated. And that is to be reincarnated at this time can only be a cockroach or a chicken, and other "job" is not. A man chooses the second option and then turns in the henhouse. There, he asks in chickens:
- I've recently reincarnated and you have got. That there needs to be done?
- Lay eggs.
- And how? I never used it was not engaged.
- For this we need to push as much as possible. Come on!
Then a voice says:
- Wan, wake up, you crap the bed!
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It was in the same family twin sons, one of which was dumb, that strongly frustrated parents. Suddenly, the father learns that in one remote town lives a very cool doctor that can help his child. The father picks up immediately with a child, and they sent a plane to the city.
In the airplane some old lady starts stroking the child's head, all the while saying:
- Oh, what a good boy!
In the end, the child is tired and he suddenly ... says:
- Granny, Go away from me!
Distraught father of joy on arrival in the city sends a telegram to his wife: "Son said before the visit to the doctor." After some time, his wife sends him to answer: "Jackass, moron, idiot, you took the wrong son!"
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A pregnant woman, telling her husband that they will have a second child, recalls the first child and asks him:
- Soon you will have a brother. How do you want it to be?
- It is advisable not to red as Uncle Nick.
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A man complains to a friend:
- But once I had everything: money, luxury home, Mears, a beautiful woman who I truly loved. And all this I lost overnight.
- What happened?
- Yes, some kid told this to my wife!
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Vovochka asks:
- Dad, why are you going to divorce my mother?
- I do not know how to tell you, son, there are things that are difficult to explain. In general, my mother and I no longer love each other.
- What does it mean to love?
- Well, for example, when her husband came home after a hard day, hugs and kisses his wife, and she is looking forward to it.
- A mother is always so excited when you come home! That means she likes you.
- This is where, I wonder, she was "excited", as you say?
- For example yesterday: When you entered the courtyard, she so excited voice told her uncle lying in bed with her: "Oh, my husband arrived, my husband has come!"

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