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Jokes ... (September 23, 2009 Issue 1)

September 23 2009

Quotes from newspapers.
During the inspection it became clear that suicide gr. Sidorov has been committed by him.
In serious condition is known ophthalmologist lights, it fades before your eyes.
The consequences of the crash: 120 killed, 40 of them in serious condition.
Murder of a man whose dismembered corpse was found in a trash container, a mystery remains intact.
Suicide shot himself in the heart. The bullet passed right through and came out in the left temple.
When the skull was found with three bullet holes zhetrva no longer remembered the circumstances of the crime.
A prisoner whose death sentence was commuted to life imprisonment, attacked the guard, for which he was court added one more year in prison.
Citizen Ivanov, who received severe burns, managed to extinguish the flames on himself on the way to the hospital.
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- Platoon, all take a shovel and dig a trench!
- Comrade Lieutenant, and why you need to dig a trench?
- The enemy attacks, we need to cover.
- Comrade Lieutenant, can we do it will attack, even better than he digs a trench?
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- How can you bring your end of the world?
- If you type in the pilots more Arabs, and air defense forces - the Ukrainians.
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20,000 miles riding on the toilet - this is a new record, which set a transatlantic passenger airliner Kudyukin previously eaten at the airport melons.
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Orange - a bun, who suffers from cellulite.
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A couple rides on a sports car. She:
- My dear, do not go so fast, I'm afraid.
- And you close your eyes, as I do.
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Two mothers walk with their young daughters. One mother said the other:
- Tell your daughter that she ceased to mock me.
- Masha, stop the build of a scarecrow!
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American tourist arrives in Tel Aviv. There he decided to go to a concert in Israel's Philharmonic Concert Hall. Mann. Asked his guide:
- This concert hall is named in honor of Thomas Mann, a writer?
- No, in honor of one American - Frederick Mann, from Philadelphia.
- Never heard of such a no. And what did he write?
- Check.
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- Mother-in-the anniversary bin gave ... Offended!
- A-ah, it's empty - poobizhaetsya and forgive ...
- Why empty? Full ...
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- We have a son - a child prodigy. In the eleven years of school already finished!
- And why?
- Nothing. At twelve, the army took away ...

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