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Jokes ... (May 22, 2009 Issue 3)

May 22 2009
16:05

A young boy catches a fish, but he did not bite much. Suddenly the suitable
to him an elderly man and govoirt:
- What, no bite?
- Yes, not really.
- Oh, do not know young old antiquated method! Here, look!
With these words, he pulls his body down into the water. Through
a while he pulls out a huge fish.
- Understand? - He says the young. - Come on, do as I do, but I will
you run!
Well, pulled the body of a young, dropped it into the water. old - he:
- Well, it bites back! Come on, Hack!
- Yes, wait, wait a bit!
-------------------------------------------------- ----
- Poor you, poor man! I'll give you a dollar - just not to drunk!
- What a speech! Yes, I'm at it build a sanatorium for alcoholics!
-------------------------------------------------- ----
Wife scolds a drunken husband.
- Masha, - whispered the husband, - you all write, but I get up in the morning
and yet all to read!
-------------------------------------------------- ----
One man, deeply experiencing the death of his wife, returned from the funeral.
His best friend calms widower:
- I know you are tough. But you are young, time will pass and you still
forget it, you will meet another woman and be happy with it.
- You're right, it may take time ... But pray tell, whom I do
today?
-------------------------------------------------- ----
The evolution of the relations of husband to his wife:
I can not live without this woman (youth)
I can not live with this woman (maturity)
I can not do anything with this woman (deep maturity)
I can not do without this woman (age)
-------------------------------------------------- ----
Life is merciless to men ... When they are born, their mothers
receive flowers. When they get married, the bride received flowers and gifts.
When they die, their wives get insurance, and rest in the Bahamas.
-------------------------------------------------- ----
Plane takes off. In the salon hostess goes:
- Dear passengers! WELCOME TO "Vnukovo Airlines!
Our plane was manned by first-class pilot, honored master
parachuting ...
-------------------------------------------------- ----
Real messages from autoresponders

Hi! Answering machine is broken. It says the refrigerator. Please
speak very slowly and I'd have to write your message and stick
it up to you one of those damn magnets.

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to maintain
silence. Anything you say will be recorded and used against you.

Congratulations, you have called in a detective agency, "The Sixth Sense."
We know who you are and what you want, so after the beep
hang up.

I can not answer the phone, because I have amnesia and I feel
like an idiot, talking to people I do not remember. I would be grateful
if you help me and tell me my name and tell us something
me. Thank you.

Hi! I'm probably home, I'm just afraid of someone who I do not like.
Leave a message and if I did not call back, it means something anyone - it's you.

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oksana

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