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Jokes ... (October 21, 2009 Issue 3)

October 21 2009
16:43

Star Wars, Episode II: a troop of clowns.
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The little girl's hiccups. Hiccups are a few recipes. The recipe first. Breathe deeply ten to fifteen times. Recipe second. Create your left hand behind your back, bend forward and in a position to drink a glass of water. Recipe for a third. Ikayuschego scare. Mom chooses the latter as a simpler, more steals and screams behind her daughter. Girl hiccups stopped. She began to stutter.
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Commander:
- Comrade soldiers, I congratulate you on a holiday!
Soldiers (discordant chorus):
- Hurray!
Commander:
- Bad scream. We will train. Come on - three times, "Hurrah!".
Soldiers (discordant chorus):
- Triple "Hurray!"!
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- Petya went fishing - calling Chapaev.
- Vasilivanych, some fishing? No vodka.
- What else?
- Anasha.
- Well, - said Chapaev and fits comfortably in a chair. - Then let's go fishing here.
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In the plane the stewardess asks:
- Is there a doctor on the plane?
One gets up and goes to the cockpit. Another passenger asks fearfully:
- What happened? The pilot is bad?
- Do not worry, everything is fine - it calms down a flight attendant - just the pilots decided to relax a little, but the third one is missing.
The full aute passenger squeezes out the following:
- And why is it doctor?
- You see, after a drinking party drivers like shirnutsya, and the doctor is always a syringe with a ...
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Priority rescue of passengers in a shipwreck:
1. Unmarried girls.
2. Young married women.
3. Young divorcees and young widows.
4. Widows who received an inheritance (regardless of age).
5. Children (vse-taki!).
6. Citizens like you and me.
7. Military, clergy, merchants.
8. Gangsters, policemen, customs officers, tax inspectors.
9. Bankers, tycoons.
10. Tiffany's.
11. Deputies.
12. Finally husbands of women referred to in paragraph 2.
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- Can you imagine, I recently just do not give sleep: at night so the noise is that just awful - my neighbor, you know, practice should be!
- Is he a musician?
- No, a surgeon.
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REAL-Spartak 14:0. But Spartak fans do not despair, because is only the third minute of the match.
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98-year-old man tells his grandson on the phone joyful voice:
- Can you imagine - I broke a mirror today!
- What are you glad about? You've got now 7 years in what luck is gone!
- So it's great - even as much as 7 years old!

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