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Jokes ... (September 21, 2009 Issue 3)

September 21 2009
16:47

1812. The hospital lies a young cornet and lieutenant Rzhevskii whose bandaged to the elbow in both arms. Cornette asked what kind of injury. The lieutenant says:
- You know, darling, rode with the report, he stopped to change horses, and even dozed off for a red-hot iron stove. And I dreamed that the girl next to me, so I did, this stove, and embraced the one hand, and the second on a habit - in the ash-pit!
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News of show business. Following the album "Sometimes" Alsou has released a new album, "Already more often."
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Good fellow Pyatkin think carefully about how he killed his wife and hide the body. Only after that he took the first step - he was married.
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Jack reflects: "I do not drink, do not smoke, do not change my wife, I go to sleep just ten, but all will change when I get out of prison."
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Teacher:
- Guys, name the antonym of the word "decent".
Vovochka:
- Slop.
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Recently, scientists have created a refrigerator, with access to the Internet to order products, but damn piece of iron climbs exclusively for porn sites and books only cucumbers and bananas.
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What is a marriage in various aspects.

1. In the religious: the actions which resulted in becoming a saint and one more virgin less.
2. The criminal: a single life sentence, which may be canceled for bad behavior.
3. In Philosophy: A woman does not get what she expected, and the man gets what he expected.
4. In math: addition of jealousy, subtraction freedoms, multiplication and division of responsibilities of wealth.
5. Legally: The main reason for divorce.
6. In the chemical: the process by which half of orange into a half-lemon.
7. In the dialectic: the fastest way to get better.
8. In the military: the only war in which enemies are sleeping with each other.
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British, French and Russian at the interview before the beauty contest. Question: "Imagine that you were on a desert island with 20 men. You do?"
Englishwoman:
- I will pray to God that he saved me!
Frenchwoman:
- I will choose the strongest, and he will protect me!
Russian:
- Question: I understand, but what's the problem?
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- What you need for your cat to be completely happy, except for cans of "Whiskas"?
- Well, maybe even a little can opener ...

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