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Jokes ... (August 21, 2009 Issue 2)

August 21 2009
11:51

That would be, be a man REALLY entire masters LIFE?

- Eighth in March would shift on February 29. Every four years it is still possible to make.
- Tie could not tie. And his pants do not zip up.
- Plastic surgery to increase a woman's breasts would be in a program of free health insurance.
- All women have the same name - for ease in communication.
- All women would be allergic to gold, precious stones and animal fur.
- In women's noses were to special filters that obscure the smells of beer, sweat and onions.
- Tyrannosaurs be brought again - so that life was more adventurous.
- At work, the guy who plays the best in Quake, automatically would become chief.
- Cats were allowed to keep only two places: refrigerators Chinese restaurants and in shooting galleries - as targets.
- Each phone would be equipped with devices that end the thirty seconds of conversation.
- Napkins and would remain neizobretennymi. Galoshes too.
- A look at the woman's bust at the first meeting would have been regarded as a formal declaration of love.
- For travel in the left lane at a speed of sixty kilometers per hour would be shot on site.
- To undo the clasp bra, it would be easy enough for her to blow.
- After the next stage of racing Formula 1, anyone could steer fireballs winner.
- To marry his daughter to marry, the mother automatically have forgotten about its existence. Tesch Thus, the problem would be solved definitively.
- Instead of "beer belly" would grow "beer muscles".
- Turning kick the table with backgammon, checkers or monopoly automatically would mean your victory.
- In early news broadcasts speakers talked to all the latest obscene jokes.
- There would have been invented socks that have always existed only in pairs. Abandoned you in different places, they would vigorously crawled to each other.
- Swimsuit, bikini was considered to be the perfect suit for a business lady. And not a business, too.
- Seats on the toilets would lean back up immediately after getting up with them.
- Each bar would stand clamshells for those who are not going to leave here today.
- Garbage bags would be left home alone. According to him it would be enough good napoddat foot.
- Monthly women would be once a year. During the opening of fishing season.
- No one would apply to anything too seriously.
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A man came to the Wild West to hunt buffalo. So they hired an Indian-conductor. They go through the wilderness, buffalo no. Suddenly an Indian falls uhomk earth. Then he stands up and says:
- It recently ran bison.
A guy (surprised):
- How do you know?
Injun:
- All ears in shit, and still warm!
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Sergeant Petrenko fined a passing ice rink for the lack of spare wheel and bald tires.
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Controller on the bus:
- Young man, you have the fare?
- Two of the ruble had already shown!
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From the writings on the exam with the task to write a short lyrical rasskazs unexpected dramatic denouement.
Ukrainian quiet night. Do not stir, not the bell. Only a ghostly fire breaks out in the distance lightning, will run through the dark sky, pale next shooting star and start to congest the soul some vague longing and desire, a vague foreboding of something light, unfulfilled and inexplicable.And when the morning the first rays of the rising sun silvered the tops of the clouds and out into the garden with misty from excess of emotion and tears of happiness gaze at shimmering pink light of dawn, the delight of your no limit! And dost thou go raving on paths faded early in the spring an old garden, staring into the encumbered plentiful crop of bushes and trees, and there ...!!! - All popizzheno!
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Salad recipe "New Year": Take 100 grams of Russian salad, add 100 grams of vodka, then add another 100 grams of vodka, then add 150 grams and 200 grams of vodka, brandy to taste. After that, delete the person in the bowl - salad is ready!

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