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Jokes ... (September 20, 2009 Issue 3)

September 20 2009

The rules, which in the opinion of men should be aware of all the women

1. If you think that you put on weight, it is most likely true. Do not ask us, we refuse to answer.
2. Learn how to operate the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
3. Do not cut your hair. Never. Long hair is always more attractive than short. One of the main reasons for which men do not marry - is that married women always make the cut, but this time you have anywhere on it will go.
4. Birthdays, Valentine's and anniversaries - it's not the crusades in search of another perfect gift!
5. If you ask a question that you do not need an answer, be ready to hear the answer that you would not want to hear.
6. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Do not ask us what we think, if you are not prepared to discuss such issues as garbage in the navel, firing a shotgun and auto racing.
8. Sunday = sports. It's like a full moon or the tides. So be it.
9. Shopping - it's not a sport, and we will never think otherwise.
10. When we go somewhere, everything that you wear - just fine. Seriously.
11. You have enough clothes.
12. You have too many shoes.
13. Lamentations - is blackmail.
14. Your ex-boyfriend - an idiot.
15. Ask for what you want. We need to understand is this: Subtle hints do not help, Strong hints do not help, clear hints do not work. Just say it.
16. No, we do not know what day it is. And will never know. Mark all anniversaries on the calendar.
17. Yes, it is more difficult to write standing up, so we inevitably will sometimes miss.
18. Most men three pairs of shoes. What makes you think that we can help you choose one pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
19. YES and NO - answers that are ideally suited to almost every question.
20. Come to us with a problem, if you want it to mind. For Sympathy is what your girlfriends.
21. Headache-long 17 months - this is serious. Go to the doctor.
22. Do not pretend. We have a better feel ineffective, than to cheat.
23. Neither your nor our interests together to participate in the contest.
24. No, it does not matter which one.
25. All that was said six months ago, is unacceptable to the dispute. All words are forfeited after 7 days.
26. If you're not willing to dress like Pamela Anderson of the girlfriend of the last series, do not ask us to do the same noble men of the same series.
27. If anything from what we can be understood in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry - it means we had in mind the second.
28. Does not prohibit us from staring at women, we'll still do it, it's in the genes.
29. Not three lamp if you do not need to appear gin.
30. OR you can ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it to be done - not both at once.
31. Whenever possible, say whatever you want to say during commercials.
32. Christopher Columbus did not need a guide, us too.
33. Women who put on sustaining breast bra and blouse with a plunging neckline, automatically lose their right to complain that someone is staring at their tits.
34. Sustaining breast bra and blouse with a plunging neckline should be more women, we like to stare at their tits.
35. Relations will never be the same as in the first two months of dating.
36. ALL men see in 16 colors, like Windows settings by default. Peaches - a fruit, not color.
37. Pumpkin - this is also a fruit.
38. If something itches, it will be scratched.
39. Beer is also entertaining for us as handbags for you.
40. If this is our home, I do not understand why my things in a mess dumped in the basement / closet / attic.
41. We are not telepaths, and never will be.Our inability to read your mind does not prove that we treat you badly.
42. If we asked what was wrong, and you said: "All right, we will do if everything is in order. We know that you are lying, but finding the truth is not worth the possible scandal.
43. If you had heard from his old girlfriend that it appears in our erotic fantasies, do not worry: your fantasies included her as well, you both.
44. What are crystals ???????!!!!!!!!
-------------------------------------------------- ----
On the red rally speaker broadcasts:
- Were the Communists - was cheap sausage. Came Democrats - lost cheap sausage. But the Communists are back - again there will be a cheap sausage!
One little screwy little man asks his neighbor:
- I'm Che is not understood. They have it here and there with a bear or something?

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