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Jokes ... (March 17, 2009 Issue 1)

March 17 2009
05:49

In the mental hospital patients look television news program.
One of them, after each story slams his knees
and joyfully exclaimed:
- Well, I'm in the nuthouse!
- It's time to write, - says one doctor to another - clearly recovered ...
-------------------------------------------------- ----
As usual, the drunken husband comes back late at night.
The wife has already met with a rolling pin in the corridor:
- Where have you wandered, animal ...?
The husband replied:
- Ik ..!!!! Tube ....
Wife:
- Which tube ????? Half past two nights, no cars on the street ...
Male:
- Ik ...!!!! Tube ...... could not be opened ..
-------------------------------------------------- ----
Flying aircraft. Suddenly, one engine shut down. After a
time from the cockpit the whole crew goes out with a parachute. Commander:
- Lord! Hichego terrible has happened! Hebolshaya breakage
Wait a little, we will help!
-------------------------------------------------- ----
Ha gopodskom cemetery kontopu to the chief vpyvaetsya stopozh,
bposaet keys and indignantly opet:
- Everything! Basta! I fire!
-??
- I walk through the cemetery and I see: "Here lies ..."," found here
your vacation ... "One I pabotat!
-------------------------------------------------- ----
The restaurant customer asks you to bring a glass of vodka.
The waiter brings. Client yelling:
- What is it? What makes a glass of a fly?
- Excuse me, sir, the spider on leave, sir.
-------------------------------------------------- ----
New books:
Ivan Susanin. "How to make friends."
-------------------------------------------------- ----
- How do the deaf gynecologists?
- They read my lips.
-------------------------------------------------- ----
In the arena was so quiet that you could hear
As our team is flying ...
-------------------------------------------------- ----
How do I love her flat tight stomach, her slender legs,
but I hate my fat, which hides all of this.
-------------------------------------------------- ----
Instruct new seller in the department "Optics":
- If you receive a new client, first you talk to him. Then
show him our glasses and offer a choice.
- So here the prices are not listed!
- Exactly. When a customer chooses glasses, he asked how much they cost.
Say - $ 100. If he does not protest, then say -
a glass still 50. If you still do not protest, they say - each.

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