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Jokes ... (March 17, 2009 Issue 1)

March 17 2009

In the mental hospital patients look television news program.
One of them, after each story slams his knees
and joyfully exclaimed:
- Well, I'm in the nuthouse!
- It's time to write, - says one doctor to another - clearly recovered ...
-------------------------------------------------- ----
As usual, the drunken husband comes back late at night.
The wife has already met with a rolling pin in the corridor:
- Where have you wandered, animal ...?
The husband replied:
- Ik ..!!!! Tube ....
- Which tube ????? Half past two nights, no cars on the street ...
- Ik ...!!!! Tube ...... could not be opened ..
-------------------------------------------------- ----
Flying aircraft. Suddenly, one engine shut down. After a
time from the cockpit the whole crew goes out with a parachute. Commander:
- Lord! Hichego terrible has happened! Hebolshaya breakage
Wait a little, we will help!
-------------------------------------------------- ----
Ha gopodskom cemetery kontopu to the chief vpyvaetsya stopozh,
bposaet keys and indignantly opet:
- Everything! Basta! I fire!
- I walk through the cemetery and I see: "Here lies ..."," found here
your vacation ... "One I pabotat!
-------------------------------------------------- ----
The restaurant customer asks you to bring a glass of vodka.
The waiter brings. Client yelling:
- What is it? What makes a glass of a fly?
- Excuse me, sir, the spider on leave, sir.
-------------------------------------------------- ----
New books:
Ivan Susanin. "How to make friends."
-------------------------------------------------- ----
- How do the deaf gynecologists?
- They read my lips.
-------------------------------------------------- ----
In the arena was so quiet that you could hear
As our team is flying ...
-------------------------------------------------- ----
How do I love her flat tight stomach, her slender legs,
but I hate my fat, which hides all of this.
-------------------------------------------------- ----
Instruct new seller in the department "Optics":
- If you receive a new client, first you talk to him. Then
show him our glasses and offer a choice.
- So here the prices are not listed!
- Exactly. When a customer chooses glasses, he asked how much they cost.
Say - $ 100. If he does not protest, then say -
a glass still 50. If you still do not protest, they say - each.

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