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Jokes ... (November 13, 2009 Issue 3)

November 13 2009

After a thorough six-month investigation into the causes and consequences of the explosion in private upryamovskom shop "your eternal peace," the investigator for particularly important cases have come to a unanimous conclusion: the crime was committed by those to whom it was profitable!
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Animals in the forest built prison. The Lion, the king of beasts, all distributed across the workstations. Out of work was only a hedgehog.
- And I? - Unhappy tone expresses a hedgehog.
Lion scratched behind his ear, looked at the hedgehog, needle felt, and said:
- Okay, you'll be working in the cooler.
- Who?
- Toilet paper.
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From July 1 to forms for traveling to U.S. citizens of Ukraine introduced three new paragraphs:
1) What he seeks in the far country?
2) Who threw it in at home?
3) How much is thrown?
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Tonight, two unidentified men knocked on the prison cell in which the second year resident entrepreneur P., and introduced by police. By being careless, the owner opened the door of the chamber. Attackers broke into the premises and threatened his feet, took away all the furniture P., money, plumbing and more expensive paintings.
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Romantically minded young man, rejecting the love of everyone there, you see, girls, waiting to sight a ship with blue sails.
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In the office runs a patient:
- Doctor, help! Terrible pain in his left egg.
- You saw a sign on the door or not? I'm not someone who you want. I'm the Doctor of Law. Ponimate - great islands.
- You are, doctors, quite sdureli with its specialization. Right, left, who cares?
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Dear girls, to get rid of the annoying harassment on the street, to the question: "What are you doing today evening?" - Feel free to answer:
- I have a three to venereal diseases, and then I'm free!
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Two friends in a bar. One says:
- Listen, I do not know how to stick to women.
- This is easily done. Look, you see, there is one behind the counter? Watch and learn.
He goes to the girl and says:
- Listen, girl, do not miss your chance, because it seems to me that you have a happy day today. Let's check, call a number from one to five.
- Three.
- I knew it! Today, you have exactly a happy day! So let us draw together tonight!
And they both come from the bar, holding hands. The second guy looks at them with his mouth open, but then decided to try his luck with another girl:
- Listen, girl, do not miss your chance, because it seems to me that you have a happy day today. Let's check - call a number from one to five.
- Four.
- Damn! Total unit does not converge!
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Patient comes to the doctor.
- Doctor, you know, I always say I'm Down, although I did not like.
- Do not worry, now the environment is broken, a bad environment.
- Well, Doctor, I'll go on Tuesday.

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