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Jokes ... (October 13, 2009 Issue 3)

October 13 2009

How to entertain yourself by playing a chess game
1. Bring a doll (or image) Kasparov. Consult with her, what move to make.
2. When the time comes foremost opponent to go, call out loudly in his ear: "horse walk, a century will not see! "
3. Try to convince the opponent that the latest set of rules, the pawn goes only on the diagonal.
4. Nakrastes, popudrites and tell everyone that from now on you - the supercomputer «Deep Blue».
5. Think of taking each of your pawns as a personal loss: "Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him."
6. Try to bribe the enemy queen. Quickly turn away, if your opponent will look at you questioningly. Deny everything.
7. In a low whisper to cheer their men.
8. For each shah perform "dance mad kangaroo in the autumn full moon." Then correct the tie and, as if nothing had happened, once again sit down at a table with the words: "So, what have we? "
9. Complain that you can not trust their officers (an elephant).
10. When there matt situation, politely ask them to spare your opponent's king. Tell them that today is his birthday. If not help, kneel.
11. Making the knight's move, every time chant: "Tygydym-tygydym-tygydym-opa! "
12. Bring a little whistle. When the opponent takes one of your figures, whistle to whistle and make this gesture with his hands. Explain that there was "offside" (offside).
13. Notice before the game that you play for the title of Champion of the Universe.
14. Making the move a pawn, loud command to her: "From E2 to E4 run - march! Marsh, to whom I said! Shoot! Under the Tribunal will give! "
15. Surreptitiously (but obviously) pull an ace from his sleeve. Looks pretty. Try to play them.
16. See your opponent's eyes. Using hypnosis to convince him that he - chicken. Can return it to its normal state at the end of the game.
17. For a long time looking at a pawn of the enemy. Hints that they look exactly the same. Warn him of the danger inbreeding.
18. Paint your own shapes in all colors of the rainbow. Criticise color figures opponent.
19. Remove from the pocket of a voodoo doll, show her opponent, saying: "No one recalls? "Then, with a nasty uhmylochnoy start poking it with needles. Genuinely surprised when nothing happens. Shrugging his shoulders, glanced at the doll, then the opponent.
20. Wear goggles. Long and defiantly, tongue hanging out, record every move in his notebook.
21. When the opponent makes a move to depict his lips the sound of opening the bottle - "chpok! "Pretend so be it.
22. When the move has been made, long look at the board from different angles. Then, armed with a magnifying glass and look closely at the position through her. Then take a microscope.
23. Throw the dice on the board and say you won. Genuinely surprised to find that it is not.
24. When the opponent takes your queen a pawn, an injured shout, that does not happen, and that the queen hits anymore.
25. In the middle of a loud party call out to the side: "Bartender! Brandy mug! "
26. Placing pieces on the board, keep your opponent names, affectionate nicknames and a brief biography of each.
27. Bring a stuffed poodle and tell me what is your mascot.
28. In a critical situation for you to ask an opponent: "Whose is the dog that's running down the street? "When he answered:" Draw ", immediately say:" I agree ".
29. When it comes your turn to walk, stand on your head. Explain that when the blood rushes to the brain, it seems easier.
30. Bring a drum and before the party long jump with him around the table, singing strange motives. Blame the opponent, that he had with marked />----------------------------------------------- -------
In Ryazan, soon to be launched a new kind of urban transport - river tram. Rails into the water already shipped. Solemn descent into the water tram held in the near future.
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Plant "ZIL" for a modest fee leases assembly-disassembly plant for the collection and sorting out.
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The best diuretic - a car "Mercedes"!
Sit - and the chase with all his might!

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