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Jokes ... (March 11, 2009 Issue 2)

March 11 2009

- Last week, the grit gets in the eye of my wife, and she had
go to the doctor. The visit cost me forty dollars!
- Nonsense! Last week, the eyes of my wife came across a fur coat, and
it cost me five thousand dollars!
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Estonian family tours in the country's so-called Third World.
Little boy (Estonian) listens to the conversation
others, and understanding nothing, angrily asks her mother:
- Mom, why do not they speak Estonian?
Mom comforts a curious kid:
- But Estonia is not yet around the world, son.
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Is an exam in anatomy in medical school. Professor responsible
an excellent pupil. Professor:
- You answer well. At five you an additional question.
Before you two skeletons. Determine which of these men,
which women?
Studetka takes a ruler to measure the bone begins. After some time:
- This - a male, but this one - female, because the width of the pelvis is wider, and here - has, etc.
After an excellent pupil meets dvoechnitsa. Itself all the dyed, chest below neck top. He knows nothing. Professor:
- If you determine that the skeleton of the male and which female, put three and part.
Coed povorachiavet head casts skeletons look:
- This - a male, but this one - a female.
- But how do you determine?
- And the male knees worn ...
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It needs to know every second.
How to protect your home:
If you wake up at night, you'll see that the window you climbed to the thief, help him get back with an ax or a crowbar.
Glass eye inserted in the peephole, to discourage your
Apartments of any thief.
Leaving children at home alone, teach them all the calls to answer:
"Dad and Mom are busy. They clean and oil the machine gun. "
When the thugs start to break out the door at the same time try to beat it with his hand. This puzzle intruders.
How to behave on the street, to stay alive:
If the counter passerby asks you to smoke, the best
action will not wait for the attack, punched him in the forehead.
If you have been referred to a jet of gas cans, primarily
Hold your breath and close your eyes. Then undo protivogaznuyu bag, remove the mask and wear it. Remember that the rapidity of these actions may depend on your life.
Before entering into a dark staircase, throw in a few stones to seize the initiative from potential criminals.
If you do notice in the entrance of suspicious types, taking care not to frighten away, ask them to produce documents.
During the attack, never yell: "Help, murder!" It is better to shout something neutral, such as: "The Germans" or "Hey, the ferry!"
A few tips on how to repel the aggressor and stay in this beautiful and attractive:
Girls and women are not encouraged to wear short skirts
and to use makeup. An old jacket, tarpaulin boots
and soot-smeared face probably will not attract attention
potential maniac.
The fluffy hair is often in criminals' hands (wound).
Therefore, clean-shaven head, greased with petroleum jelly or fat cream, once again, save your life.
A woman must use to protect themselves any subject, who turned in her purse. This may be a comb, deodorant, a piece of water /> If you follow these simple rules, offenders will be much harder to rob you or beat, and then they become a victim of someone else.


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