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Jokes ... (September 7, 2009 Issue 3)

September 7 2009

The lesson:
- Kids, do you know how Leeuwenhoek discovered spermatozoa?
- Took a microscope with dirty hands.
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Competitions are held between the three countries: who will be able to hold out longer underwater.
The first dives American. 2,3,4 minutes - emerges. The audience applauds. When asked how you managed it modestly replies "system of yogis."
The second dive was a Frenchman. 2,3,4 ... 10 minutes! The audience loved it.
How do you manage it? System Yogi "- humbly responds the Frenchman.
Foremost Russian - dives.
2,3,4,5,6,7 ..... 20 minutes - no more. 30 minutes - emerges.
The audience in ecstasy:
- How do you manage it! It's that - a system of yogis??
- Yes, what system of yoga: Panties, b .., for they had caught a snag.
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You can take a mountain climber if ...
1. You go in jeans and a sweater, but have gorteksovy suit for $ 500.
2. Do you at least once froze his lips to ice screws when you tried
blow out of it the ice in your partner.
3. You digs beds at the cottage an ice pick.
4. You have more mountain photos than the wedding.
5. At least once you have icicles hanging from any part of your body.
6. Have you ever fallen from such heights that you have ended with adrenaline before you hung on a rope.
7. Your sunscreen is always in a frozen state, when you most need it.
8. What you call cold is not on the scale of the thermometer.
9. When you hear the word "diamond", "edge", "Seven", you will start to hurt your hands.
10. "The cosine of 90" mean to you, very cool and has no relation to 0.
11. You come to the climbing wall, and you have a backpack still lie buddylist and akladki.
12. When he saw the girl on the street, you think: will pull on the 7c +?
13. Your definition of a candlelight dinner:-Melt the ice in a candle and pour into containers.
14. Name-Hillary you have been associated with Mount Everest, and not with Mrs. Clinton and the scandals in the White House
15. You do not go down the stairs, you dyulferyaete.
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- How do you manage to get acquainted with so many women?
- Should be able to create a situation where they are most accommodating and accessible.
- And how do you do it?
- I shoot in a hotel room and out the door tablet "F" ...
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A rainy day in October. Vagankovskoye cemetery. Silence. Drunk engraving maker deliberately knocks on the freshly installed tombstone: Petrov Petr ... born ... died ... etc.
Behind him, two melancholy grandmother, cousin of the deceased, and control the process. Ask:
- A young man, and can be shaped as letters attributed to lower young:
"Beloved Petenka from loving sister and aunt?"
- Yes, fuck me, even with a "Happy New Year!"
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All her life she was faithful only to Johnson & Johnson - the first diaper to the last Tampax.
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On the new euro banknotes in ultraviolet light visible inscription:
"Ultraviolet" Danger! "
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A conversation between two friends:
- You know, the doctor sobschil good news to me yesterday - I'm pregnant!
- Congratulations! You've already come up with the name of an unborn child?
- No, until I think of middle name ...

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