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Jokes ... (June 5, 2009 Issue 3)

June 5 2009

When you first visit a doctor Ivanov complained that he had a sore throat, and
he immediately removed the tonsils. The second time he said that he
stomach ache - and he immediately excised appendix. When he came to
reception for the third time and the doctor said: "Well, what complaint? "- Ivanov
refused to answer: he had a headache ...
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Doorbell. Husband opens.
- I Strangler women from Boston - says standing on the threshold
a masked man.
The husband turns around and yells to his wife:
- Honey, this is for you!
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Two men talk about sex. One of them says:
- I immediately came up with a cool pose, in which we are engaged in sex with his wife:
withdraw from the cabinet door, put it at one end to the bed, the other - on the
wardrobe, get an angle of about 45o. Then I pick up at the cabinet and exit
with him at the door directly onto the bed where his wife is already waiting for me with a moved apart
feet. Try it, you'll like.
The next day two calls him on the phone angry:
- What are you, you bastard, I could not tell me that the door to remove the key?
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After a shipwreck on a desert island are three: an Englishman, a Frenchman and
Russian. After two weeks of starvation in turn decided to cut from the body
a piece. The first Frenchman. Cuts off a piece of liver.
Englishman and Russian:
- Mmmm! French pate!
Ate in a week - all Englishmen. Cuts off a piece of thigh.
A Frenchman and a Russian:
- Mmmm! English bacon! "
Ate in a week - all Russian. Pulls out his penis.
The Englishman and the Frenchman:
- Mmmm! Russian smoked sausage!
- There is no sausage! A glass of milk and a bed!
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- Two by two - six! - Says speaker at the rally, and his words are drowned
in applause.
- It's not true, twice two is four! - Cries lover of truth, which, after
it immediately disappears by twenty years.
After returning from distant places, he again enters a rally at
where the same speaker under a storm of applause says:
- Two by two - five!
- It's not true, twice two is four! - Cries lover of truth, which lives
learned nothing.
After the rally comes to him, he confided his hugs and quiet
- Do you wish that two plus two back there were six?
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- Here we see that the crocodile lay eggs ... Who knows: why?
- Old, he had already ... They do not need him ...
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In the ad department of the newspaper man comes and makes a declaration:
"A million dollars to anyone who finds the missing beloved cat of my wife."
The employee asked in surprise:
- And do not you think this amount is too big even for the beloved cat?
- Do not worry, this stuff yesterday, I drown!
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There are two veterans of the Civil War.
- Hello, Peter! You do not know?
- No ...
- So we'll take Simbirsk!
- A lot of us out there was ...
- When we rested, I have always protected the drum!
- I do not remember .. sleeping ...
- Do you remember how I once made a bet in% yd sword bent?
- Vasya ... you ...? I'm glad to see you again! And you can repeat?
- What are you, of course not! .. Many years have passed ... hands weakened ...
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The funeral of a millionaire.
A young woman in a funeral procession filled with tears.
She tries to calm the man.
- Well, well, do not grieve so. The deceased was apparently close to you
relative?br /> - No! That's why I'm crying!

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