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Jokes ... (March 4, 2009 Issue 1)

March 4 2009
08:25

KNOW WHAT YOU SEE AMERICAN FILM, IF:
(The characters - hero, villain, America)

1. The number of saved lives should be within
from 2 to 6 billion.
2. Before you release a bullet into a hero, the villain always a few
minutes reading his notation that the hero could come up with some
dirty tricks to avoid imminent death.
3. Six-guns firing at 30-40 times (apparently, they manage to
charge of the machine shops).
4. When the villain enters the house of the victim, the latter takes a shower
for a transparent curtain.
5. To punish the heroes are driving the abandoned steel mills.
6. Widows of slain police officers receive, as a rule, several
millions of greenbacks as a moral compensation.
7. After 15 years of marriage, loving spouses continue every
five minutes of passionate kissing passionately.
8. Villain have such hateful faces, that they should be arrested
only in appearance.
9. In life-threatening moments near the hero is a special
valve by turning to douse the villain nonweak steam jet.
10. Well you can take revenge on the villain, passing a truck on goropodobnom
its insanely expensive cars.
11. Villains like to check their mines, when the timer shows
00:0 _s something.
12. In the final battle, before you start waving your hands properly
and legs, the hero gets a thorough thrashing.
13. Entering the enemy's camp, the hero moves only somersaults.
14. Cocaine is transported in batches of 50 tonnes.
-------------------------------------------------- --------
- And here I am mother-in for my birthday gave stiralka and dryer!
- Probably a lot of money thrown out?
- Do not just bucks for 18!
- ??????????? What is this for such a vehicle?
- Wash and towel!
-------------------------------------------------- --------
Programmer sits in front of a computer, engaged in auto-training:
- I will not go to the Internet ... I will not go to the Internet ... I will not go
Internet ...
Breaks down, knocking something on the keyboard. Appear on the screen
"Anecdotes from Russia ...
Man:
- It's not me ... It was not me ...
-------------------------------------------------- --------
One cop terribly lucky in the lottery and he won one million dollars.
Naturally in this regard, invited colleagues to the pub, sit,
wash ... Well, he asked the question, saying Che with attendants to buy
gathered, perhaps a wheelbarrow or a house?
"No" - is responsible. "I want to buy a crossroads in the city center
and work for their pleasure ... "
-------------------------------------------------- --------
Comes a skeleton in the bar, habitually sits in the rack. Bartender:
- Do you like always?
- Yes, glass and cloth.
-------------------------------------------------- --------
Girls! Remember!
The bus you want to crawl back.
"Mercedes" - from the front.
Zaporozhets - a party!
-------------------------------------------------- --------
Wife came into the office and saw her husband in order to table a photograph
in a beautiful frame.
- Honey, she is always on your desk?
- Yes, dear! Every time I have a serious problem, I look
at you and I feel better ....( my wife's mouth spreads from ear to ear) ...
because I realize that what the problem might be compared with that ....?!?
-------------------------------------------------- --------
In psihiatpa.
- Doktop, y me pyki tpyasytsya.
- Drinking?
- Peele.
- Kypite?
- Kypil.
- So, bposili?
- Het, only peshil.
- So you see, and finally arrived opganizm ispygalsya
-------------------------------------------------- --------
There comes a couple to the doctor. The doctor asks:
- Well, what do you have?
Wife:
- Why, doctor, my husband suffers from premature ejaculation.br /> Male:
- I? I do not suffer! It was she who suffers.
-------------------------------------------------- --------
A guy with a doctor.
- Doctor, as my sample?
The doctor hesitates and can not say.
- Doctor, how man to man ...
- OK, you have cancer.
- Doctor, I see that you keep back, tell the truth, I want to know
the full picture.
- Okay, I will. You're a freak.

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