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Can you say "no"?

July 23 2007

Many people familiar with the situation when we are thinking: "If I say 'no', I'll feel guilty, but if I say 'yes' then I'll just hate yourself." Nevertheless, your "no" may be the perfect answer. If you say it politely, you will not seem callous and unjust, and time can be saved. Although the source must still feel the hardness of your character.

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Such situations are common in everyday life: at work, and with parents and with your loved one. The most common tactic for solving such situations, the majority - it is an escape from such situations with the help of petty lies. Although it does not add self-esteem, but it prevents conflict. Quite often, at a reception at the psychologist turns out to people, articulating their problem like this: "I can not say" no. "I am not able to refuse, even if you really do not want to do something."

Familiar? Well, who among us is ever in a situation where someone's solicitation literally "pushes" us, put before the fact, makes me his plans to sacrifice their own principles, to do what has never had to do? And all because instead of "no" you habitually say "yes", because you - trouble-free man.

Finally - a familiar insult at himself for a sign of weakness, anger at another, who correctly counted your consent and as a result - very often not fulfilling the promise, coupled with a sense of guilt.

An important step towards the ability to say "no" is the realization that you simply being manipulated. That is, consciously or unconsciously, intuitively play on your weaknesses in his favor, forcing to do something. After all, our weak string can be minimized - only to three, as the simplest stringed instruments:

1. "It's sacred." Show me a man who did not respond to the request, veiled by the interests of children, the elderly, the sick, orphans and the disabled. At the same time, weighed down by the greatness of these global, saints problems, we somehow forget that the motives to ask you for the manipulator can be very far from sainthood.

2. "Pity." Have you noticed that the standard question, "How are you?" one person is responsible, "Normal" or "all right" and the other begins glibly paint all his thirty-three misfortunes? Why does it have one in my life all the time something bad happens, as everyone around will know immediately, and the other in silence, in loneliness are struggling with exactly the same difficulties, not burdening others with problems? As practice shows, the number of troubles and misfortunes, falls to the lot of every person about the same.

On average, every 3 - 5 years something happens in our lives: aging parents, children growing up, falling in the next age crisis, worn machines, boring favorite job. But when another complainant arm plaintively asks you to take part in solving its problems, you are somehow about the equality of all in the face of fate and forget to rush to the rescue.

3. "Because we're friends!" Indeed, to deny your friends are not accepted. But it would be good to remember that a true friend does not always turn to you with a request that he knows much you strain, goes counter to your principles and interests.That is, it takes into account your interests on a par with his.

If you suspect that you simply being manipulated, and willing to play "good person" you have fallen away, but here the word "no" still does not pronouncing, you can try using a simple trick to ease the task. It's enough to see firsthand the true "face" of the robot arm and all of its "pieces" will seem false. Try to beat off his attack with his own techniques. If you talk about their sores - in response to think of their own. A story about someone else's heavy share the same answer. And if you recall the friendship, hope that your counterpart, as a true friend he will refuse his request and so on.

If you take for it, soon your arm very soon will be irritated, be aggressive, to show resentment. Believe me, such a person say 'no' a lot easier.

On materials

Masha Shibanova


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